We were at the park during a warm autumn as evening was approaching, and we were smoking a blunt, laying on the grass, when I looked at you, like really looked at you. And you looked in me, and I could tell that you saw me. You were seeing me, and I was seeing magic in your light.
I see the future in your eyes, I feel it in your touch and in your presence. You allow me to feel endless and full of possibility and explore the depths and realms of myself and our beings and our existence. I didn’t consider myself a spiritual person until I met you and you blessed and baptised me with your love.
In this moment, right here, right now, you allow me to breathe and behold, and be, and that’s all that I’ve ever wanted. In this moment with you, in this moment with you I am seen, and I’m treasured. I see the delight and warmth in your eyes as you welcome me in. Welcome me home. “My love” you say “finally”.
And in this moment with you, my body burns alight. I feel globules of light on the end of my finger tips. The ends numb, warm, and buzzing slightly. As the sun washes over us, kissing and revering our melanin, we are elevated, floating to another plane.
On this plane, the first thing that struck me were the voices. Waves and waves of voices, coming towards me, leaving again, moving through me, drawing me in, washing over me, brushing my skin. Endless waves of voices. Each distinct. Each convicting. Each melodious.
And these voices were speaking directly to me. And to you. And to you. They called us by name. They said “…, here you can rest, you can learn, you can thrive, you can live and do more than simply try to survive. Here our arms are always open. We are ready to guide you, if you are ready to walk in your path. Here you never have to be alone. Nor will you feel like stewing in disheartening vulnerability is beneficial for you. And yet you will still be able to feel and express every emotion without fear of disparagement.”
As you float in this plane, feelings of excitement, hope and healing manifest all around you. You sense what it means to dare, to dare without worry, to dare with enthusiasm and the conviction of what you can achieve. What you will achieve, without drowning in pain, tiring from over-analysing, and harbouring self-inflicted wounds from one’s own projections or the continual labour of shielding yourself from the projections of others.
The smell of African Pear and Black Pepper compels you to just keep inhaling the air around you. It’s as if, if you were to stop breathing it in, you just wouldn’t be as whole.
Flora and fauna, Bathing in the clearest rivers and streams. Painted skies and dancing stars, And wonders that you have never seen Endless affirmations, Open and honest conversations, Without having to put yourself in harm’s way. Nurturing relations, open explorations, Friendships, relationships, all of varying degrees of intimacy and entanglement free The sound, the sweet sweet sound of the rumblings of consensual and enjoyable sex. We were in the park during a warm autumn as evening was approaching, and we were smoking a blunt, laying on the grass, when I looked at you, like really looked at you. And you looked in me, and I could tell that you saw me. You were seeing me, and I was seeing magic in your light. I dream of when our lips first meet, to talk, to kiss, to connect, to brush, to bite, to lick. I have dreamt and I still dream. I look at you and I dream, And this is where we dwell. “You are loved, you are cherished, you are welcome, you are enough, you are valued, you are appreciated, you are protected, you are celebrated, you are honoured, come as you are.”
AJ (He/They) is a Black non-binary queer multidisciplinary artist, and the founder of ‘Beat For The Gxds’ – a creative make-up space for Black non-binary people. Their current work centres the healing nature of self-love, and its potential to facilitate growth and joy.